


i unravel in shades of red (my carnage wears shades of blue)

by orphan_account



Series: underneath it all ‘verse [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Witchcraft, M/M, Michael Possessing Adam Milligan, Michael and Adam Milligan Sharing a Body, Michael is Adam Milligan’s Conscience, Protective Michael, Witch Adam Milligan, Witchcraft, Witches, also!! finally the plot’s starting to roll, i kind of wrote sam as an asshole, i’m so sorry i did him over like this, i’m thinking that very much needed purgatory fic soon, this au OWNS me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:14:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21856351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Getting into the Bunker had been easy enough. Adam assumed that wouldn’t be the case, though, if he hadn’t found a spell Rowena had specialty crafted to get into the Bunker whenever she needed to. When the basic unlocking charm he had been given— ‘aperiartur’— hadn’t worked, he had had to pour through the notebooks once again to see if there was anything he could use. He found the spell, along with a few other things he bookmarked to look back on later; one called an ‘attack dog spell’. But he was here for one reason. And then he’d be able to finish what he had planned to do—"What the hell are you doi-"Adam hadn’t noticed another person enter the library; until he was ever-so-roughly shoved into a bookcase, his head slamming against the wooden shelf. He stared into widened eyes of a brother he hadn’t necessarily been looking forward to seeing again— a brother he thought he’d never see again, until making the deal with Rowena.“Holy shit. Adam?” Sam Winchester asked.
Relationships: Michael & Adam Milligan, pre-Michael/Adam Milligan
Series: underneath it all ‘verse [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1565476
Comments: 14
Kudos: 91





	i unravel in shades of red (my carnage wears shades of blue)

**Author's Note:**

> this became a fucking monster, i was intimidating proof-reading it and i feel like it’s?? shit but thank u to my wonderful beta, el, who is an angel & doesn’t have ao3
> 
> title from underneath it all by death spells lmao that band can step on me i want a second album

Getting into the Bunker had been easy enough. Adam assumed that wouldn’t be the case, though, if he hadn’t found a spell Rowena had specialty crafted to get into the Bunker whenever she needed to. When the basic unlocking charm he had been given—  ‘ _aperiartur_ ’—  hadn’t worked, he had had to pour through the notebooks once again to see if there was anything he could use. He found the spell, along with a few other things he bookmarked to look back on later; one called an ‘attack dog spell’. But he was here for one reason. And then he’d be able to finish what he had planned to do—

"What the hell are you doi-"

Adam hadn’t noticed another person enter the library; until he was ever-so-roughly shoved into a bookcase, his head slamming against the wooden shelf. He stared into widened eyes of a brother he hadn’t necessarily been looking forward to seeing again— a brother he thought he’d never see again, until making the deal with Rowena.

“Holy shit. Adam?" Sam Winchester asked. He had a look of shock plastered across his face; as if he didn’t believe that Adam could truly be here. A tiny voice somewhere in Adam’s head reminded him that it was because he had forgotten about him— that he had given up on him a long time ago.

"No, I'm the Queen of England." Adam snarked, setting his hands on the forearm pressed into his chest, trying to push it away. Sam didn't move it— in fact, he only put more pressure on it.

"H- _how_? How are you here?" Sam asked, drawing his eyebrows together as he examined Adam, his eyes darting everywhere but into Adam's own.

"How do you think, dumbass? The Cage opened. I clawed my way out of Hell." Adam hissed, pushing down even harder on Sam's forearm. He felt constricted; trapped, cornered. He hated the feeling— it was just like the Cage, he was in the Cage again, he was a prisoner, once again—

' _Take deep breaths, Adam_.' Michael hummed, from somewhere in the human's mind. ' _You're not there anymore. You're on Earth, with me, with Sam Winchester. Focus on him. Press down on the scar, Adam, you're on Earth, not in Hell_ -'

Adam didn't thank him, not out loud anyways, but he knew that Michael would know. Michael always knew what he was feeling, something Adam was both grateful for and despised. "I- Sam, let go of me now, or I swear to God you won't like where this goes."

Adam let out a breath of relief when Sam stepped backwards, letting Adam out of his hold. Adam followed Michael's suggestion, applying pressure to the scar on his hand, as a reminder that he was here, and not there; not back in the Cage, he'd never be back in the Cage.

"Sorry- sorry," Sam mumbled, glancing to his right. Adam followed his action, just now noticing the woman who stood beside Sam. She seemed to glow, her form glistening under the lights of the library. "Eileen... this- this is Adam. He's- he's my other brother." Sam said, and Adam was a bit impressed as he watched as Sam signed along with his words. He had studied ASL in high-school. That felt like a lifetime ago, but at least he remembered enough to understand a few of the words Sam signed.

"Your other brother?" Eileen asked, raising an eyebrow in speculation.

"Yeah. His other brother." Adam sniped, rolling his eyes. He wasn't surprised she didn't know of him; neither Sam or Dean had probably mentioned anything about him, which would stop them from feeling guilty about what they put their brother through—

' _Adam. Calm down. Talk to them. Maybe they can help us_ -'

"Adam, what are you doing here?" Sam asked, taking another step back. He sounded confused, distressed. It served him right. "Not that we didn't miss you-"

"Miss me?" It was a bit appalling that Sam said they missed Adam. He had only met his brothers once, and it was evident where their true loyalties laid, which was in each other, and not their bastard brother. And in all honesty, maybe that was why he wasn't as pissed at them as he should have been; that and Michael. The archangel's presence alone helped calm Adam down. "I didn't expect you to."

"Don't- don't say that." Sam said, desperation and guilt seeping through his voice.

Adam felt his stomach sink, but this was what he wanted, wasn't it? For Sam and Dean to know what they did wrong, for Sam and Dean to feel awful about everything he was put through, thanks to them.

' _Adam_...'

Adam ignored both Michael and the sensation of dread in his stomach, scoffing. "Fine. I'll be going now." He took a step forward, ready to dart pass Sam, ready to dart to the staircase and leave, even though he hadn't found the books Rowena had told him to.

"No, no, hey- hold up-" Sam stepped in front of Adam, raising his arm in front of the teenager so he couldn't pass. "Why- why are you here?"

"I heard that this was where you guys were living now, and I decided to pay my lovely brothers a visit after ten years. Why else?" Adam said, sarcasm lacing his tone. He was, technically, telling the truth; Rowena had told him this was where Sam and Dean were, she had provided the resources for him to be able to get into it— he didn't come to the Bunker to visit Sam and Dean, though.

"Adam. You're not gonna leave- stay here with us." Adam practically saw red at his brother's words. He wouldn't believe them, not again. "Rest and heal and- and take a few days to- to reciprocate. Tell us... everything. If you're comfortable with it. Talking helps-"

Adam shifted his weight from foot to foot, crossing his arms over his chest as he glared into Sam's eyes; concern heavy in them. "I take it you're gonna make me stay either way?"

"No- no, why would you ever say that?" Sam asked, like he genuinely didn't know. Adam almost laughed out loud.

"It's what you did last time." He reminded Sam, remembering the last time his brother had begged for him to stay, and what it had led to. The Green Room, the possession, the Cage. He'd come to terms with the mistakes he had made— when it had come to trusting Zachariah—, but Zachariah had been right about one thing; that the Winchester's, his brothers, didn't care about him. Even if Zachariah had only said that to get Adam on their side— simply a manipulation tactic, as Michael had told him in the Cage— he had still been right. And that stung.

"Adam, I'm so sorry." Sam spoke, slowly and hesitantly. "Dean and I are both so sorry. Just... give us a chance."

"Another chance? What do you think it is, Christmas? I'm not handing out miracles." Adam scoffed, attempting to push down on Sam's arm. It didn't budge. "The last time I gave you a chance, the last time- the last time I trusted you- you left-"

"Adam..." Sam sighed, casting a glance to Eileen and signing something. 'Give as a minute,' Adam could understand. She nodded, slowly, before flickering out of sight. A specter— a ghost— he assumed, distantly recalling the ethereal glow she had; one just like Rowena.

' _I know you're upset with him- with him and Dean, but- this could be a good thing. You can find- you can find the books and we can take a little bit. Maybe- maybe I'll heal a bit. And then we can leave_.' Michael reasoned. It wasn't a half-bad plan, in all honesty. The only downside of it all was being with his brothers.

"I'm... fine. We'll- I'll stay." Adam sighed, internally cursing himself at the slip-up. He hadn't seen Sam and Dean in years— centuries, for him— but he knew he couldn't let them know about Michael. Not this soon after his 'sudden' return, and especially not with Michael as weak as he was, considering how the Winchester's were more 'shoot first, talk later'.

"Really?" Sam's eyes went comically wide, and it seemed he hadn't noticed Adam's mistake. And if he had, he didn't say anything.

"As long as I'm free to leave whenever I want. I'm not- I'm not staying locked up." Adam shrugged, trying to come across as nonchalant as possible, although he knew Sam would take his words to heart. "Again." He added, for good measure.

"Yeah- yeah." Sam nodded, finally taking a step back from Adam and lowering his arm. "I'll- I'll show you to an empty room. You don't... have anything?"

"You're really asking me that?" Adam's tone was dry. He did have things in his car— which was parked outside of the Bunker, and placed under a cloaking spell he had learned from Rowena. The journals and books he had taken from the witches apartment were in it, and although nobody would be able to see it, unless they knew exactly what they were looking for and where to find it, Adam was still a bit worried about leaving his bag with the contents unattended.

"Yeah- okay. Um... c'mon." Sam grimaced, slightly, giving a curt nod as he walked to the door of the kitchen. Adam took yoga as his sign to follow, trailing behind Sam as they make their way down the hallway. "Dean's still heading back from a hunt, so..."

' _Thank my Father_ ,' Michael muttered, and Adam had to suppress his laughter.

"Nice," Adam said, because what else was there for him to say about that? He was glad that Dean wasn't there. Dean was a can of worms he didn't want to open tonight, and could deal with somewhat easier tomorrow, after a good night of sleep. He rolled his eyes at the chiding from Michael— ' _You have me, you don't need sleep, Adam_ ,'— and focused on following Sam down the halls and to the room. He could already tell this was going to be an interesting experience.

* * *

It was after a painful, and silent, five minutes of being tested to see if he really was Adam— painful for both parties involved; Adam, in physical pain, whereas Sam was growing more and more guilty with each test that Adam passed without fail—, when Adam spoke up. He threw himself onto his back on the uncomfortable bed in 'his bedroom', as Sam had put it. "You're gonna question me, aren't you?"

"I don't-" Sam started, taking a deep inhale. Adam raised an eyebrow at him in anticipation. "You don't have to answer anything you don't want to. I get it’s hard to- to talk about. And I’m not gonna force you.”

"Sure. Whatever- shoot." Adam grinned, spreading his arms as an invitation for Sam to continue.

"How... long was it?" Sam sounded unsure of himself.

"Twelve hundred years. I think.” Adam answered simply.

"I- why aren't you..." Sam gestured, vaguely, waving a hand at his head.

"Traumatized?" Adam asked, chuckling. He knew the answer to the question, but he wasn't going to come fully clean to Sam, of all people. "I think... Michael did something to help me. I'm not sure what, exactly, but I think he protected me."

"Oh." Sam frowned. "Where's- where is he?"

' _Tell him I left_ ,' Michael offered, although Adam knew it was more of a command, which didn’t bother him as much as it should have. He had already planned on saying that either way.

"Don't know. He bailed on me as soon as we got out of P- Hell. Out of Hell."

"Oh." Sam's frown deepened, and Adam wasn't sure if it was due to the slip up, or the fact that he had said didn't know where Michael was. "So that means-"

"Yeah. No idea where he is."

"How did you get out?"

"I can't remember."

"What do- what do you mean by that?"

Adam made a non-committal noise in response, shrugging his shoulders.

"Okay. Are you... okay?"

"You're really- really, Sam? I'm not okay." Adam asked, accusatory. He bit down of his lip, closing his eyes and taking a breath to calm himself. Sam had had the _audacity_ to ask that, "You remember how bad it was down there- you remember what the Cage was like.

"I'm so sorry."

"'I'm so sorry'? That's all you have to say?" Adam scoffed pushing himself upwards, off of his back, and clenching his jaw. "Y- you- you _abandoned_ me in hell for ten years. You didn't even try to bring me- you didn't even try to bring me back."

"I'm so sorry, Adam." Sam raised his hand to his mouth, covering it, before lowering it slightly so he could talk. "We should've tried harder to find you, to get you back."

"Dean would have given _anything_ to save you." Adam let out a sardonic laugh, rolling his eyes. He knew the truth behind Sam's words. He always would. "Hell, he still would. He has given everything to save you. But, you, youtold me family was everything, Sam. You told me you cared."

"Adam... I'm so, so sorry." Sam apologized, once again. "I know- I know you probably won't ever forgive us- and I understand why but... please. Stay here- we can help you."

Adam scoffed. "Whatever. Thank you, Sam- really, for everything. I learned a lot in the Cage. I'm not naive enough to believe someone I barely know, especially someone who abandoned me. Not anymore, not after you told me the same thing last time."

"Adam..."

"No- just... I need a rest." Adam cut him off, meeting his eyes with what he guessed must have been a look of beseeching. "Please just get out."

"Of- of course." Sam nodded, turning around and making his way to the door. He paused, halfway through closing the door. "If you need anything... I'll be here." It wasn't surprising that he didn't mention Dean. Adam was glad he didn't.

"Yeah. Got it." Adam nodded, and Sam closed the door, gently. Adam fell backwards onto the bed, left alone with nothing but the dark and Michael. Just like the Cage.

* * *

He hadn't expected Sam to be in the kitchen while he was trying to leave.

The man was sitting at the table, pouring over three books in front of him, a teacup to the side. Adam caught whiff of peppermint from it, his nose wrinkling. He had never been a fan of peppermint. Sam looked up from one of his books— bound in brown leather, dated and worn—, blinking for a moment. "Adam, what're you... doing?" He asked,  frowning. "Are you- leaving?"

"Yeah. I am." Adam nodded, tightening his grip on the books he had clutched to his chest. They had been easy enough to find; hidden in a sex-dungeon. He had been right about the Bunker being their sex-Bunker, after all. "Thanks for everything. Bye."

"What- what do you have?" Sam asked, standing up from his chair and walking towards Adam, the frown still on his face.

"Nothing." Adam began, turning his back to Sam, preparing to dart out to the garage of the Bunker. "Nothing important."

"Adam... come on." Sam set one of his hands on Adam's shoulder, the younger boy flinching at the impact. "What do you have?"

"Don't _fucking_ touch me," Adam hissed, drawing back and away from Sam's touch, the two books falling to the ground as as an uncontrollable anger filled Adam to his core. His heart leaped in his chest, his blood boiling under his skin. He wasn't sure why— he remembered, when Sam had jumped him, the perfectly reasonable terror and rage he had felt towards Sam, after he was pinned against the wall.

"Why- why do you have the _Black Grimoire_ , Adam?" Sam had an almost panicked look on his face, whether it was panic over what he needed the books for, or if it was actual worry about what Adam would do to himself with them, Adam couldn't be sure. "And- and the _Book of the Damned_ -?"

"I- Sam, let me go. Please." Adam pleaded, unable to see anything past the red that clouded his vision. He needed Michael— he needed, he needed something. Comfort, ease, consolation; they were all the same to Adam, they'd all calm him down and ground him. Or maybe it was Michael who grounded him, the details were still a little fuzzy when it came to that. Adam called out for the archangel, searching for the constant presence of him in his head.

"Oh- shit," Sam cursed, pulling his hand away, but still standing less than a foot in front of Adam, blocking the only way out of the kitchen.

' _Adam_ ,' Michael's appearance made Adam jump in surprise, the worried look plastered across Sam's face only deepening. ' _You need to leave_.' Which Adam knew, but Michael felt it was necessary to clarify that.

"I promised someone I'd do something." Adam started, doing his best to be as vague as he possibly could. Rowena hadn't told him not to mention anything about her— but, for some reason, he assumed not telling Sam about it would be a better option. "This is what I get in return for doing what they wanted me to do."

"What?" Sam was smart enough to put two and two together; Adam knew that much.

' _He's figuring it out. Tell him- it's better than trying to fight him on your way out and getting overwhelmed_.' Michael instructed, pretty much acting as Adam's conscience.

He remembered doing the same thing to Michael— to the short-tempered, over-protective, archangel. In the Cage and Purgatory, he had helped Michael rationalize. And now Michael was doing the same thing to him; acting as his rock, as the thing that kept him grounded— and in all honesty, if it hadn't been for Michael, he would have lost himself years ago.

"Magic, Sam." Adam answered, the words feeling strange as they rolled off of his tongue. " _Magic_."

"Why? Why- why would you want magic?" What did you promise to do?" Sam asked.

"Because. I can- I can fix it. I can fix it all." Adam was barely sure what he meant anymore. He knew he wanted his mom back— she deserved to be back, he deserved to have her back, especially after everything. It might have been selfish of him— incredibly selfish, but he didn't care. He wanted her back, and after that, he didn't know what he planned to do. He couldn't go back to school, not with Michael in him; or not after everything in general. He felt Michael wince.

"Adam... did you- did you sell your soul? To a demon?" Concern laced Sam's voice. Adam was half-tempted to punch him and run, escape to the garage and leave.

' _Did he just ask... if you sold your soul_?' Michael asked, the ghost of a laugh mixing into his words.

"Hell no." Adam scoffed, the corners of his mouth quirking you at the thought of the accusation. He hadn't sold his soul, no— he had simply gotten a fair price, in exchange to the promise he had made Rowena. "I'm not stupid."

"Then what did you promise to do?" Sam's face twisted after he asked the question.

"It doesn't matter." Adam countered, taking another step back from Sam after realizing just how close he was to him. There was no way he'd be able to be around the Winchester's, especially not Dean. Sam had at least tried when it had come to him; when Death had come to collect Sam, Sam had wanted Adam to cone with, Sam had tried to bargain himself off to Death. Adam had wanted to leave, too, "There's absolutely no way I'd be able to do it, anyways."

"Adam... come on." Sam asked. "What- what are you gonna do with the books?"

"I- I don't have anything planned." Adam relented, his eyes breaking from Sam's gaze and on the air behind him as he continued on. "It's more of a ... precaution. To have them with me. Now- now move, please. There's- I need to leave."

"No. I won't let you."

' _He's relentless_ ,' Michael said, tone dry. ' _It's... highly irritating_.'

Adam agreed with that. Even though it felt nice to have someone worry about his well being, even if it was only a worry about what he was going to do with the books.

"Really?" Adam's eyebrows shot up as he raised a hand to his chest, feigning surprise. "Earlier- you told me I could leave whenever I wanted to. I want to leave, now. Or are you gonna keep me hostage again?"

"Adam..." Sam began, but Adam interrupted.

"Just- just shut up, Sam. I deserve this-" Adam's voice broke, and he took a deep breath to compose himself. He glanced back up, looking into Sam's eyes as conviction laced his voice. "I deserve this much at least."

Sam held eye contact with him for a moment— it felt like an eternity to Adam, but he knew it wasn't. An eternity was how long he had been in the Cage— or at least, it had felt like it. Sam sighed, breaking the contact. "Fine. But- but only if you can tell me something."

"Hm?" Adam hummed.

"Was there... was there anything that could help Eileen... move on in Rowena's apartment?" Adam's heart jumped at the question. How did he know-?

"I- what?" He asked, his voice catching in his throat.

Sam suddenly looked a bit unsure of himself, but there was a hint of hope in his voice as he spoke. "You... you were the one who raided Rowena Macleod's apartment, right? It's- that's why you didn't get killed. The witches said there was something- something different about you. Unearthly."

"There were witches there-?"

' _They were the thing I sensed watching us_ ,' Adam felt the frown in Michael's voice, despite not being able to see it. He expected an 'I told you so' from the archangel, but it never came.

"Yeah," Sam nodded. "They cast a spell, and they were observing the apartment when you were there. What were they talking about when they said 'unearthly'?"

Adam barely registered what he was saying as it came out of his mouth. "They could probably still sense hell on me."

' _Hm_ ,' Michael hummed. ' _Not that bad of an excuse, kid_.'

"Sure..." Sam trailed off, his gaze almost faraway. "Did you- did you find any crystals there?"

"Crystals?" Adam asked, furrowing his brows as he thought back to the apartment. He hadn't seen any, not in Rowena's secret room. And if they were important, he was certain she wouldn't have left them in any place other than there. "No, I didn't.“

"Really...? Shit. Nothing- nothing at all? That could help her?" Sam asked, almost pleading

"I..." Adam trailed off, remembering the few hours he had spent pulled off the side of the highway, doing everything he possibly could to complete the very spell he had made the deal for. He wasn't going to say anything about it— it could only be used one time, and he was going to use it to bring back his mom; no mater what.

"Yeah?" Sam perked up, giving Adam his undivided attention.

"Never mind." Adam shook his head.

' _Adam_...'

"Adam... please." Sam spoke at the same time Michael did. And, God, he sounded desperate— like there was nothing he wanted more in his life.

Adam's heart ached in sympathy— and, if he wasn't lying, empathy. He would regret this, he knew, but no matter what, he didn't want Sam to hurt— not when there had been a way to avoid it, and Adam knew that way. Sam and Dean might have put him through Hell— literally— but he wouldn't be like them. He wouldn't be any worse than them. His mom had raised him on the idea of helping whoever he could, doing everything he could to be the best person he could be.

' _Adam_...' Michael repeated. ' _Don't. You'll regret it_.'

Adam didn't listen to the archangels advice. "A resurrection spell. But- I didn't plan on giving it to you. I have- I'm using it."

"On who? Your... mom?" Sam asked, as if he expected anything less. "Because you know- you know she won't-"

"You don't know _shit_ about her, Sam." Adam hissed, vehemently, while taking a step forward and jamming his finger into Sam's chest. He tried to blink back the tears that stung his eyes, but they streamed down his face before he could stop them. "I- I miss her. They promised me that I' get her back, and that didn't happen. And now- now I have the opportunity to get her back again, and I'm not wasting it. Not after everything I gave up for it only- only for it to never happen and to be locked in Hell for twelve-hundred fucking years."

"Adam,”

' _Adam, you don't want to do this_ ,' Michael sounded almost as desperate as Sam had— Adam tried to see into his thoughts, but could only decipher hurt and betrayal and anger. He wasn't sure he wanted to know just what exactly each one was directed at.

Maybe Adam was being selfish. To want someone back, who had been in Heaven for ten years, and who had been missing from his own life for twelve hundred. He remembered when Michael had assured him that Kate was happy in her Heaven— that it was filled with memories of him. She was at peace, and she didn’t know where he was, and she never would; which was a huge relief to Adam. She would have been upset, and he would have felt incredibly guilty for causing her to feel that, especially if she had ever found out that one of the main reasons he was in Hell in the first place was because he had been so easily manipulated when it had come to her— when it had come to bringing back his innocent mom who deserved nothing she had gotten. His warm-hearted, innocent, mother who always saw the best in people and never looked for the bad.

She wouldn’t have ever wanted him to stop himself from helping someone he could, from helping a seemingly innocent woman— and although he didn’t know the full story about what had happened to Eileen, he could assume; she was wrongfully killed because of her association with Sam and Dean.

Adam realized what he needed to do.

"No. Shut up. I'm not finished." He took a step away from Sam, closing his eyes as he took a deep sigh in. "I'm pissed at you for not even- for not even trying to get me back. I should put you through Hell and- and I could, if I really wanted to." He though back to the spells he had glimpsed over on the way to the Bunker, while shoving potato chips he had bought from a gas station down his throat. Michael would remember them, all of them. The spells that could tear anyone a part, even if Adam preformed them wrong; which, although, there was a possibility of, the blood bond with Rowena should factor in and let him be able to do it. That's what she had told him, at least. "I'll give you fucking spell but- but I'm performing it."

"Okay- yeah," Sam nodded. "Thank you- Adam. So much. I'm- thank you."

"Yeah." Adam felt the pit in his stomach, a sickening feeling. Of guilt— guilt that he was betraying both his mom and Michael, Michael who had begged him not to do this. "You're welcome, Sam."

"Can I- have the books?" Sam asked, and Adam sighed, reluctantly handing them over to Sam, with a frown on his face.

That hadn't gone at all how he had planned.

* * *

' _You shouldn't be doing this, Adam. They left you- they abandoned you. And- and now you're helping them. I'm half-tempted to punch you_.'

"You wouldn't punch me, even if you could. You care about me too much." Adam muttered, dumping a bowl of herbs into the grimy, white tub before him. Sam was on the opposite side of the room, preoccupied with examining the spell before they performed it, and Eileen was faced the other way, so he wasn't too worried about either of them getting the hint that he was taking to Michael... or, to himself. Both would probably look bad on him.

' _I might care about you you, but that just makes me more tempted to punch you more. Because I care_.'

"Whatever." Adam sighed, dipping a finger into the water and raising it to his lips, tasting the array of flavors; none of them seemed right with each other. "You can't- you can't... there's no way you can... let me see her?"

' _I'm so sorry, Adam_ ,' Adam didn't doubt Michael's words. Twelve hundred years spent in isolation with another made it easy enough to see through the archangel; even considering that Michael wasn't even supposed to feel human emotions like sympathy or compassion or love— ' _I'm weakened. I can't- I can't even fly. There is absolutely no way I could get us to Heaven in the state I'm in right now, and there is much less of a chance I would be able to... to actually bring her back_.'

"What if- what if I was dead?" Adam asked, although he already knew the answer.

' _No_ ,' Adam could feel Michael shift in his head, his voice protective, just barely verging on the edge of angry— of hurt, of fear. ' _I am not going to let you kill yourself for the sake of being able to see your mom, Adam. Not after everything we've been through. I am truly sorry there's nothing more I can do at the moment, other than tell you that you should have saved this spell for your mom, if that's what you really want_.'

"Oh," the syllable fell from Adam's lips almost too easily as he frowned at the water. It was ready— the spell was ready to be performed, so long as he didn't back out of it. He couldn't, not after he promised he'd do this, and not after both of them knew about the spell and about the fact that he could preform it.

"Oh my God," Sam gasped. Adam's head shot up, his full attention on Sam. Both of his eyebrows were raised at his brother's shocked expression.

"What...?" Eileen turned to face Sam, wearing the same expression Adam has on.

"When- when my mom was killed... the- uh- second time- Rowena tried to bring her back." Sam explained, his eyes wide and frantic as he read over the spell another time. "But- but she couldn't. She needed a body, which we didn't have. Turns out... Rowena was working on a way to bring her back, a way around that, a- a way to make the spirit flesh."

"Your mom?" Your mom. Sam and Dean's mom— the one who had died, almost three decades ago. When she was killed the second time. The words hit him like a freight train; the reality of them seemingly impossible. But he knew otherwise. "Y- your mom?"

' _Adam_ ,' Michael sighed, and it was evident he was angry; at what, Adam was unsure. ' _Leave. Don't do this. Save the spell- we can bring your mom back. It's not too late, Adam_.'

Adam shook his head in response to Michael, still staring at Sam; eyebrows still raised, his mouth pursed into a thin line. Sam didn't answer Adam's question. "We- uh- ended up finding out that my mom was in Heaven already and happy so... Rowena never finished it." Sam cast a glance to Adam, a look on his face that could only be defined as impressed. "But Adam- you managed to. How-?"

"I'm smart," Adam snapped, rolling his eyes. He heard Michael let out a noise— a high-pitched ringing, almost deafening him. He winced at the noise, raising a hand to the bridge of his nose and massaging it. "I think- I'm done with the spell. It's pretty simple." He lowered his hand, turning to face Eileen, as he signed along to his words. "I- I'm sorry, I'm a bit rusty with ASL. Eileen, you just have to... climb into the tub."

"Just..." Eileen started, and Adam was relieved that he didn't mess up the conversation accidentally. "Like that?" She asked for clarification as she put both feet into the tub, stepping in; in the light, Adam could see the translucence of her figure, shimmering under the full light bulb.

Adam nodded. "Yes. Um- get under the water, please, and I'll preform it." He took a sharp step to the side when Sam placed a hand on his shoulder, the action surely meant to be done a reassuring manner. Sam seemed to realize exactly what he did— even if he didn't know why it bothered Adam, Hell, Adam wasn't even sure why it bothered him— and lowered his hand, almost sheepishly.

"Adam... are you sure you want to do this? I could always... take over-" Sam started, but Adam cut him off by snatching the piece of paper with the spell on it.

"I'm not getting my mom back, so this is the best that I can do." Adam rolled his eyes, scoffing. "I was raised on the idea of helping whoever I can, no matter what."

"Oh." Sam frowned, casting a glance at Eileen. "Thank you, Adam." He sounded sincere— grateful that Adam was giving up bringing his mom back for the sake of a woman he only knew the name of.

Adam sighed, waving Sam away with his hand. "You're welcome. Now shut up.  _Mortuum oritur. Rutum revertitur. Ex spiritum incarnatum est. Oriatur et educatur. Oriatur et educatur_."

Adam and Sam stood side-by-side in silence, both anticipating what would come next. "Did it... work?" Sam mumbled, and Adam shot him a glare. He didn't answer; instead, he looked bath at the tub, just in time to see Eileen's figure rise, gasping for air. "Oh my God," Sam rushed forward, grabbing a towel from the table by the tub, and handing it to her now-naked form.

Adam didn't bother waiting to see what happened next. He left the room as quickly as he could, not bothering to look over his shoulder as he left. "Michael?" He asked, under his breath, as he made his way down the hallway. "You there?"

' _Yes_ ,' Michael hummed. ' _Always_.'

"Great." Adam grinned, shoving down the fact that Michael's words made his heart jump. The two continued on in silence, Adam entering the library and immediately spotting the Book of the Damned and the Black Grimoire on the table. Sam was an idiot for leaving them there, although Adam couldn't necessarily blame him. He had just found out he could bring his girlfriend— or friend, or whatever he considered Eileen to be— back from the dead, and it had left him sloppy and trusting. Just like Adam had been in Purgatory.

Adam sighed, the books clutched to his chest once again, while he darted up the staircase and out of the Bunker. The air was cold against his cheeks and the few thin layers he was wearing, but he embraced it, letting it fill and sting his lungs as he inhaled a sigh of liberation.

' _We did it, kid_ ,' Michael said, relief clear in his tone.

Adam waited a moment before he began to make his way to his no-longer hidden car. He grinned, his hand on the door handle and staring at his own reflection in the window— the one he could pretend was Michael. "Yeah, I guess we did."

**Author's Note:**

> whew now that THAT’S out of the way
> 
> i apologize if i got anything wrong when it came to eileen and communication!! i don’t have any experience writing her in general, as well as a character who is deaf, and i did my best to keep it as accurate as possible! if there’s anything wrong/hurtful/offensive in ANYWAY, PLEASE let me know!!
> 
> i did make sam an asshole in this but !! because he’s desperate for something to help eileen, and desperation can fuck people up
> 
> michael’s NOT going to be just a part of adam’s head for this whole series. i know exactly where i’m going at the moment, and i will be jumping back to write the purgatory scene + when rowena created the bond with adam at some point!! i’m not sure exactly when, as they aren’t necessarily relevant to the rest of the series, but purgatory & i would love to move forward, but yes, they’re gonna be happening.
> 
> basically from here is when everything starts to get good so 😎 stay tuned ig!!
> 
> ily, i’m so sorry for the long ass an


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